virtual lady's parlor

Digamy Jive

2011-11-28T18:15:00.000-08:00

Digamy Jive...

While the sum total of my parts dripped buckets in the 110 degree dry Arizona heat, I sat motionless except for an occasional squirm to unstick my behind from the plastic covered chaise and stared with repugnance at a dainty bone china cup of amber colored liquid placed in front of me.

“You wouldn’t understand. You kids just don’t know what I’ve gone through. I was sent out to pick potato bugs for a nickel a day when I was only ten. My life’s been hell and it’s going to get a lot worse. I’m in trouble now…” she chattered on while passing me a glistening sterling tray of leftover petits fours without skipping a beat.

Nodding, I set the tray down, silently lifted the cup to my mouth and deliberately sipped the acrid tasting liquid to stifle any reply that might come to mind. Not that one was called for. She hadn’t asked a question. This was just another stream-of-consciousness proclamation in a lifelong litany of complaints and pity patter I’d grown accustomed to.

In the half century since my birth, I still hadn’t mastered blocking out the steady drone of fatalism cast upon my psyche at a pitch equivalent to that of a dog whistle. I guess you could say she was a self-centered person by nature. Self-centered with a trace of misery spontaneously permeating the square radius of an entire family at any given moment.

Perhaps she’d been stricken with terminal pomposity at birth, dwarfing her evolution from arrogant adolescent to merry matriarch. Inner dialogue deprived, at seventy-one she was still a princess child, apathetically unaccountable for her words, actions and asymmetrical view of life in general.

At least she wasn’t talking about me. Last night while somber souls munched the main course she’d burst into, “When Sharon moved to Los Angeles she was so poor she went vegetarian. She used to have such a beautiful voice in church every Sunday and a 21 inch waist. Now she takes that yoga. You should really eat meat Sharon. What a shame! This diet just isn’t good for you.”

I could have offered a dozen excuses for my shifting silhouette, beginning with the natural laws of gravity. And I could have shared my experience of gagging on thick blood dripping filet mignon, a culinary staple of my childhood. But I let it go. I mean, what’s the point of answering someone who can’t hear you?

Anyway, my mother sure made a shitty cup of coffee. It was going to be a long afternoon. Longer than most. An eternity even. She sounded like a nicked 78 rpm phonograph record repeating the same verse over and over and over again. Or an actress reciting her lines for a role in which she played the lead. I felt my lips moving soundlessly and quickly poured a glass of water to quench my voice. Though I knew all the words by heart, it was after all her show. She was the Grande Dame who had faithfully delivered a world class performance to her audience day after day, year after year. I was akin to the understudy waiting in the shadows for an opportunity to appear center stage while secretly praying that time would never come.

I tried desperately to concentrate on her pain, but found myself picturing a petite, champagne blonde, Zsa Zsa coifed tot, decked out in strappy gold sandals, silken rose play suit and jeweled tennis bracelets, trudging up a dusty country road with a big old potato bug clutched between her diamond rings and iridescent pink porcelain fingernails.

I wanted to giggle. Or stick my fingers in my ears and hum out loud. Anything to block out the absurdity. Here she was talking about potato bugs when just this morning she’d buried my step father!

I’m not sure why they married. My take is they were coupled by convention and a faulty sense of American morality. I doubt it was love. From what I’d witnessed, they didn’t seem to like each other much. He condescended sarcasm; she hissed irreverence. Surely sex had not been the impetus. He had a difficult time sitting up, I’m sure getting it up was a dubious fantasy. His tall gauntly thin torso donned a full head of snow white hair and rheumy blue eyes. Though I’d thought him to be generally cantankerous, he fancied himself a prose meister, a musical artiste, a balladeer. Every now and then he’d prance around their desert bungalow in nothing more than a flimsy aubergine nightshirt veiling spindly legs and saggy tricot boxer shorts, crooning the Ink Spots or Nat King Cole hopefully in mom’s direction.

We all knew he didn’t stand a chance, but kept our opinions to ourselves. Try as he may to win mother’s affection, her love affair with my father was immortal. Unfortunately dad wasn’t. He’d left her high and dry after nearly fifty years of marriage. Left as in -- went to heaven rather than off with some young chippy. High and dry as in -- mom hadn’t made a single decision on her own since they were married rather than penniless.

Anyway, they said my stepfather died in his sleep of natural causes. Natural meaning, no one held a gun to his head and pulled the trigger or disconnected his oxygen mask to halt his breathing. I guess his frail old body just gave way to a general sense of hopelessness and a shrinking broken heart. Or perhaps he’d finally sneaked a peek at his true image in the mirror and realizing he wasn’t the Lothario he’d always imagined himself to be, he pulled the covers up over his head and died.

I was beginning to feel sorry for mom and myself and everyone alone with their mediocre choices. Is there life after digamy? Oh never mind. Time for a latte! “I love coffee, I love tea. I love the java jive and it loves me.”

sjk/

Java Jive/InkSpots http://youtu.be/iP6IUqrFHjw

uh... WHAT?

2011-06-21T01:42:00.000-07:00

So here's why I stopped writing...

“Stop this world, let me off. There's just too many pigs in the same trough. There's too many buzzards sitting on the fence. Stop this world, it's not making sense.”*

Have you ever sat huddled together with your guy of several years among an assemblage of friends and others along a string of laminate tables at the back of a poorly lit artificial ornamental Thai restaurant tucked into a deserted Hollywood strip mall in celebration of a virtual stranger's birthday on a dreary Sunday eve in October, when an entity endowed with plasticine perfection and massive mane saunters into the room, slows, eyes her choices, glides to your side, slides perceptively into an empty chair balancing her generous largesse, leans forward fluttering fathomless false eye lashes and purring repartee through pink plumpish lips into the rapt eyes of your drooling-tongue-on-the-table guy while wickedly acknowledging your invisibility for an instant before you vanished altogether?

And you don’t know how you got home from the party but you’re pretty sure the party’s over as far as your relationship is concerned and sure enough later in the week your guy announces he’s moving to Hollywood as soon as possible because there’s just not enough room for the two of you in Santa Monica now that you’ve closed your Minneapolis atelier and he’s an artist who wants to “do whatever he wants whenever he wants to do it” despite the fact that you’ve supported him financially, artistically, spiritually since before you moved him and all his earthly possessions to California and though you have no idea how you’ll afford this apartment on your own till you’ve had a few moments to figure it all out, you’re given a temporary reprieve as Thanksgiving approaches because out of town friends come to visit for some pre-winter beach time and then it’s all over but the shouting with a bit of that thrown in as well when he says he’s already rented an apartment with a little help from his friends and he packs up and leaves while you’re visiting your mom in AZ over Valentine’s weekend, so you give up that apartment amid promises of it will be better for everyone and nothing will change and the next thing you know he’s driving you to the airport so you can meet with your publishers which is a really big deal and something you’ve put off far too long so you’re excitedly ambivalent as he professes sweetie baby miss you love you while handing you your luggage at LAX curbside along with hugs and kisses and see you soons and that’s that. Literally. Though you don’t know it yet.

And you arrive in Minneapolis with expectations running high and meet with your publishers and believe you can actually finish this book this time and may actually have a bit of fun and success with it. So when you finally reach him after a few days of whatever he does when he falls off his various wagons disappearing for days, you both say you have a lot to tell each other and he says you go first, but you think your news will be so much bigger than his you tell him to go first and so he reminds you of the conversation you had about starting to date others and he says he’s going to start seeing some women for coffee and this weekend he’s going to see “that” woman he met at the party with you last fall. And while you try to imagine her at the beach with him thinking it just doesn’t seem plausible, he admits he’s been in a full blown relationship with her for he can’t remember how long and he’s not really allowed to talk to you on weekends (or ever actually), but since he spends weekends with her there will be no communication except for the occasional text snuck in between their couple activities of going to the dog park, swimming in her pool, working out in her gym and shopping for new wardrobes and other creative necessities, he still loves you and can’t live without you and you hang up struck dumb knowing you can’t tell anyone because you have to go to a Viking’s game as one of their guests and Kevin Odegard et al’s Blood on the Tracks thing and geez, you can’t remember what all.

So you suck it up and extend your visit indefinitely while giving up writing altogether because your creativity has been paralyzed by the desire to live with as little humiliation as possible (not to mention – live!) and because you sure don’t want to run into “them” at any LA parties or have to explain to gawd knows who all where he is or what’s wrong with you. And he texts you he thinks that’s a good idea because he loves and misses you so much he’d feel terrible thinking of you sitting alone in Santa Monica over Thanksgiving while they’re in Paris, but he’d like to see you for a few hours when he travels to Minnesota to see his family for the holidays before you head off to Arizona to take care of your sister who you’ve just discovered has cancer. So you agree to spend a few hours together before flying off in your separate directions and the last six months have pretty much been a blur of caring and giving care and generally being there for your sis who seems to be doing very well (Light for the Highest Good) and now it’s forever ago but he still texts he can’t live without you and misses you and loves you and begs you to wait till he’s finished with his next series of acting classes and... uh... WHAT?

*Diana Krall/Mose Allison

the beginning of the VLAS...

2010-02-26T12:19:00.000-08:00

the book within the book...

it all began with girlfriends meeting once a week to laugh & moan about our dating experiences while asking & trying to answer the big -- WHAT? so i wrote this little dating guide.

http://virtuallady.net/TheBookofLove/TheBookofLove.pdf

Wardrobing in Minneapolis is an Extreme Sport! (reprint)

2009-12-08T18:47:00.000-08:00

The extreme cold has forced the cancellation of tonight's Holidazzle parade in downtown Minneapolis. That announcement was made by the Minneapolis Downtown Council. The National Weather Service forecast calls for windchills of -25 to -35 degrees by 6:30 p.m., which is the scheduled start time for the parade. This exceeds the established cold weather cancellation point of -25 degrees with windchill. Tonight's parade would have been the last one of the season.

And the kicker? This Thursday's forecast reads 47 degrees above zero and rain!

Posted by shar kanan at 12/26/2004

How to have fun walking in the heat...

2009-07-21T17:42:00.000-07:00

Ok, I live in Santa Monica. It’s always nice here. But never mind that.

Getting Started Essentials 1-2-3:

1. This works best wearing bicycle shorts, a loose t-shirt and comfy shoes. I wear my fav red leather Italian sandals which I don't recommend but I love them… they’re so cute! Anyway, you'll know what does it for you.

2. An itouch/ipod/whatever, with your favorite song lists -- see the music at the top of my FB profile for examples (not the yodel deal from Steve Freeman, I haven't figured out how to remove that yet). I have one list that's strictly sing along, fun music (not on FB), sorted in alphabetical order. It begins w/Addicted to Love, which has a nice warm-up walking beat followed by Bad Reputation, so I get the 'tude to go with the walk and like that.

3. A bottle of water to stay hydrated (which doubles as a tambourine or some such percussive instrument if you so desire to accompany yourself along the way).

And that's it!

First, because I tend to have a rather loud sort of husky voice... I only plug in one ear piece so I don't scare the neighbors by belting out tunes while strolling past them tending to their roses and lilies and sage and rosemary and other lovely garden requisites here in the hood. That’s a big one if you like to sing.

Next, strike the pose. Come on now... we all remember our lessons from charm school. Shhh... yes I went (more than once). I can play the role if necessary. Anyway, back straight, head high and then -- toe heel, toe heel, toe heel runway walk to the beat!

Today was magnificent! I began with my usuals, then went wild and scrolled down to Straight On by Heart (great walking tune! remember the earpiece... no scaring the neighbors), through Them Changes by Buddy Miles and was home by the time You Dropped a Bomb on Me by the Gap Band was finished.

You won't believe all the folks who pass by you with big smiles on their faces!

on 2/14 eight years ago...

2009-02-17T16:01:00.000-08:00

i launched this website to connect folks online across the universe. it looked much different then. it was a virtual salon with an emphasis on encouraging virtual ladies and virtual lady's men to use the internet to communicate and highlight accomplishments based on the principles listed in the "about us" section. it was very colorful and interactive and we had a lot of fun around the world.

it was also easy and the main focus of all that i was about, based upon a book i was writing at the time. i published/sold 100 copies of the first draft of "i wrote the book of love" and found myself back in minneapolis (my home town) to research the roots of my musical lifestyle before the final edit.

as time went on and i became a sort of mn resident, i changed the site's design to keep up with my ever increasing community activities and handed over the webmastering from my daughter kristin who was @ fox studios in los angeles, to my friend diane ingram in south minneapolis. for awhile we updated it with new events; now it just sort of sits waiting for me to add a thought here and there whenever i remember its existence.

the community links could be updated, but many useful references still remain. we don't use the forums to chitchat about nonsense and whims anymore (facebook and myspace handle that) and i haven't added an edited chapter to my book for a couple years. yet, somehow the vlas receives visits every day.

perhaps it's time for an overhaul and a bit more attention. i may have changed my relevance and focus due to castle building and such, but the virtual lady's aide society waits patiently while i remember that first and foremost, i am a writer... a virtual lady... the founder of the vlas!

xo

So this it it then...

2009-01-19T18:38:00.000-08:00

As a first generation baby boomer op/ed writer, I wanted to write something profound... meaningful... witty even... but I can't seem to think of anything to say.

Maybe it's because I am one of those minorities (well, I think it goes something like "women & minorities") referred to in the not yet ratified Equal Rights Amendment which first began circulating around Congress during the 1920's and is still floating in the wind.

Or maybe it's because I'm not comfortable speaking about it at home because my roommate is a very conservative (as in The Right Way: Why the Left is Wrong and the Right is "Right") man, who was stunned by the outcome of this election. Ja. I could go on about how I had no idea this was how he felt beforehand or that anyone actually felt this way, but that's not the point.

I think it's quite simply that, as a woman who was unduly influenced as a kid by the sweet profusion of rock and roll love songs playing on transistor radios and the contrasting personas of McCarthy, Captain Kangaroo & Elvis appearing on television (all for the first time ever), while the fear of Communism, teenagers and the devil's music seized the USA's adult population and Carl Jung, Alan Freed and Dick Clark, liberated its youth: ie bomb shelters and Sputnik, hula-hoops and the twist, Kennedy and King, as if time was contradicting itself in shades of black and white, I think I'm just relieved that what always seemed to be so obvious to me re human rights and all folks being created equal is proving to be true and I don’t need to say anything except -- thank you!

RIP Elmer Valentine

2008-12-09T19:27:00.000-08:00

Elmer Valentine (1923 – December 3, 2008)

The Whisky-A-Go-Go

8901 Sunset Blvd

Hollywood, CA

I could take apart various chapters of my own autobiography... perhaps it would be too much, though more than likely it wouldn't be enough. Suffice it to say that my life as it is now began in October 1969 when I arrived in LA and accompanied my lovely pal Enrico Rosenbaum to his gig with Gypsy @ everyone's beloved Whisky.

xoxoxo

shar kanan

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Elmer_Valentine

We did it!

2008-11-04T23:54:00.002-08:00

¡podemos hacer sí más!

(yes we can do more!)

I Voted!

2008-11-04T00:52:00.002-08:00

(click on image to enlarge)

Are you now or have you ever been a... DEMOCRAT?

2008-10-20T13:38:00.006-07:00

Accckkk! ...this is not my beautiful Minnesota.

I’m just your average Norwegian pagan… a.k.a. Lutheran who’s diligently studied yoga for the past twentysomething years. It wasn’t my plan. But sometime between moving to Los Angeles with my new babelet and hubby (who was seeking rock ‘n roll stardom following the hoopla of Woodstock) and moving back to Minnesota alone as a community organizer, it seemed like the right thing to do.

While examining discipline to dogma -- I’ve learned a lot about incorporating acceptance, gratitude, respect, peace, service and spirituality into my lifestyle. The core of me practices living in the moment while focusing on having a good day… every day. With these principles as my foundation, I have experienced and been embraced by so many wonderful social mores, alongside such a wide variety of cultures -- my joy is inexpressible. Yes, I have been blessed with an open heart and soul and I thank God daily for being aware of the goodness and abundance that surrounds me.

Speaking up, speaking out, caring, feeling, thinking for myself… these are choices I have appreciated while never taking them for granted in this land of the free. After all, it’s the American way, ja? Well, it says so right here:

Constitution of the United States of America

We the People of the United States, in Order to form a more perfect Union, establish Justice, insure domestic Tranquility, provide for the common defence, promote the general Welfare, and secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourselves and our Posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America.

Amendments to the Constitution Article [I.] Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.

However, the times they are a-changin’ babe… and I mean a lot more rapidly than I ever dreamed possible. So please folks -- pay attention to the news! Get informed, get involved and whatever you do come November, get out and vote!

Namaste...

The power of one

2008-10-15T16:41:00.005-07:00

Please, if you think one person can't make a diference, I remind you of this lovely video from the early 90s... it only takes a minute to watch. Literally.

This timeless award-winning empowerment message is widely used by speakers & organizations to empower audiences, staffs, teachers, students, volunteers & individuals to illustrate that each of us has the power to change the world. It highlights Mother Teresa, Gandhi & other 20th century individuals whose impact has been felt worldwide. Music by Oscar winning composer Hans Zimmer.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y9dz3wUn818

And please visit http://www.oneearth.org/ for similarly poignant messages.

Another reprint from 6/05 -- watch the cartoon @ the end!

2008-09-26T12:11:00.003-07:00

oh brother! and if you believe that...

Having worked in the newsmaking business for years (which by the way you won't see anywhere on my resume but I'm sure those who know can find my words by whatever name I was using or writing for), I wasn't surprised when I read this morning's New York Times account of the "Koran Incidents at Base in Cuba" released last night.

Per the Times, "The splashing of urine was among the cases described as inadvertent. It was said to have occurred when a guard urinated near an air vent and the wind blew his urine through the vent into a detainee's cell... The military released the findings of the investigation about 7:15 p.m., Eastern time, well after the broadcasts of the network television evening news programs. A Pentagon spokesman, Bryan Whitman, denied that the military was trying to bury bad news late on a Friday night, a tactic often used by government agencies."

Ja... Newsweek's report was sorta true, but I swear it was an accident! All I can add to this is -- click on the link below and watch the Smigel clip from Saturday Night Live. His "divertor" cartoon gave me hope that I'm not the only one out there who realizes diversion from truth when I hear it!

http://politicalhumor.about.com/gi/dynamic/offsite.htm?zi=1/XJ&sdn=politicalhumor&cdn=entertainment&tm=57&gps=26_9_1020_615&f=00&tt=9&bt=1&bts=0&zu=http%3A//www.crooksandliars.com/2005/05/23/2364/ (click on Video-WMP)

Posted by shar kanan* at 6/04/2005

Rockers know comfort food...

2008-09-15T14:38:00.006-07:00

We may have moved to Hollywood together in '69, but we still know how to appreciate the simple pleasures in life. Granted Marie's currently @ CMT in Nashville & Cheryl's @ the Getty in Malibu & I'm all over the place, but when we get together -- some things never change. When Marie visited us in March, she gifted us with her infamous banana nut bread. And Cheryl treated us all to her homemade zucchini bread for Easter -- using a version of an old recipe of mine from 2000! (recipe below)

Lovely Cheryl showing off the goods ie zucchini bread (originating from her garden) while modeling a beautiful old timey apron she created in her sewing class.

Now you try it!

shar

Wordplay -- repeat from 3+ years ago...

2008-09-07T12:33:00.004-07:00

Saturday, June 18, 2005

Need a Dictionary?

As someone who made a near perfect score on my English SATs way back when, I tend to take words literally. I don’t particularly like being a dorky intellectual… i.e. it took years of practice to join fellow plebes shrieking common expletives at my television set. Though picturing "fudge" during upset usually changed my whole perspective of whatever the targeted subject may have been, I eventually got the hang of it and can exploit language proficiently nowadays.

That said, I still "hear" what’s being communicated and take exception to rampant intentional wordplay/newspeak (1984...) during news broadcasts. Listen carefully folks. And when in doubt, use a dictionary! Here’s one available to all: http://www.dictionary.com/

(examples)

dem·o·crat (dem o-kr at ) n. An advocate of democracy.

lib·er·al (lib er- al) adj. Not limited to or by established, traditional, orthodox, or authoritarian attitudes, views, or dogmas; free from bigotry.

re·pub·li·can (re -p ub li -k en) adj. Of, relating to, or characteristic of a republic.

con·ser·va·tive (k on-sûr vi -ti v) adj. Favoring traditional views and values; tending to OPPOSE CHANGE.

Posted by shar kanan* at 6/18/2005 0 comments

Our atelier tonight w/Jenny Case & friends...

2008-08-22T19:41:00.004-07:00

Jenny Case & Run at the Dog!

http://www.epatelier.com/

Light a candle for Pluto...

2008-07-24T12:39:00.005-07:00

Lovely Laurie Akermark and her dear puplet Pluto

RIP Pluto

prayers & hugs,

shar & all the virtual ladies

xox

Everyone deserves a second chance!

2008-06-11T11:55:00.004-07:00

Leo the cuddly puplet...

I just saw this piece on NBC and had to share it with you all. Check it out for your own self!

Our Pack, Inc.
http://ourpack.org/leo.html

xox

Bravo Scott McClellan!

2008-05-30T15:20:00.004-07:00

If I studied trad journalism in its original form (which I did) and I worked in public relations or for a media org (which I also did) and if I was a Republican (which I was) and if I was hired as the White House Press Secretary (which would never happen) -- I’d know that I’d be paid to be the primary spokesperson for the White House Administration.

As in any other paid P/R position, my duties would primarily include relaying news for whomever I was employed, the way they wanted it relayed. This is no big secret. Everyone in media knows it. Barring earthquakes, terrorist attacks, hurricanes and so forth, it’s the way news is made. We can see/hear/feel catastrophes, actual news occurrences for ourselves. However, the manner in which they are reported depends on the P/R spin given them by the reporting agencies -- the media in its entirety.

So what’s the big brouhaha? Anyone who has written anything on the web or for any other media outlet knows what’s what -- McClellan was paid by the White House to report the news the way they wanted it reported, despite what we knew to be commonsensically absurd. Then he quit his job. Now he’s telling his version of that news. And I for one am grateful!

Shar Kanan

Sing along...

2008-05-24T16:15:00.005-07:00

I just heard this song on TV and it reminded me of my previous incarnation as a blonde hollywood rocker... so I looked it up on YouTube. Gawd I love YouTube!!!

Anyway, click on the link and sing along to the lyrics on the right side of my page. C'mon you'll have fun... I promise! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5EO1nfSCKrU

xo
shar

light a candle for...

2008-02-01T11:14:00.000-08:00

Eric-the-Wonderful-Cat

our sweet kitty angel

January 30, 2008
R.I.P.

we love you!

shar & chris

(and so many pals)

Pencils down...

2007-11-12T17:14:00.000-08:00

Writers Guild of America West

for up-to-date info click here: http://www.wga.org/

What... ?

2007-10-19T16:48:00.000-07:00

(if someone knows who this cartoon is by -- please let me know... it was sent to me years ago and i've never had a clue who created it. thanks! sk)

Kudos to Di for ep atelier's myspace...

2007-09-14T14:44:00.000-07:00

I haven't really figured out how to use this popular interactive communication tool, but thanks to Di our atelier's MYSPACE seems to be very active!

We sure have some cool friends...

Check 'em out!

http://www.myspace.com/ep_atelier

Light a candle for Mikki Wood...

2007-08-20T14:19:00.002-07:00

Prayers, love and big hugs to my petlet Karen Wood Elliot...

WOOD-MONTIFORTE -- Micheline "Mikki" Wood-Montiforte, beloved wife, mother, grandmother, great-grandmother, aunt, sister and loving daughter passed away Thursday, August 16, 2007 in Palm Desert, California.

Micheline Pipolo, better known by her loved ones as "Mikki" was born in New York City to Antoinette and Carmine Pipolo. The youngest of four children, Mikki was adored by her siblings Camille, Frank and Pat.

She was a graduate of the New York City High School for Performing Arts. In 1960 she moved with her family to California. Her educational background, coupled with her love of people, made her a natural for real estate sales. During her many years in the real estate business, she developed a highly successful and well respected reputation. In 1995, she met and fell in love with Frank Montiforte. After a brief courtship they married.

She is survived by her husband Frank, children Michele, Anthony and Karen, three grandchildren, two great-grandchildren, two stepchildren and an extended family that spans the globe. She was preceded in death by parents , Antoinette and Carmine, sister Camille and brother Frank.

God-speed Mikki! xo

Do we know how to throw a party?

2007-08-15T13:38:00.002-07:00

National Night Out ep atelier style!

Our event was a HUGE success…

see for yourself via the slideshows on our atelier's website.

www.epatelier.com/gallery.html

(when you get there -- click on the flier)
We have an amazing neighborhood!

Thank you to everyone who contributed their time, talent and camaraderie.

greetings from ep atelier!

2007-07-20T15:02:00.002-07:00

i love the little community center my biz partner di & i created here in downtown minneapolis... our patrons, performers and pals are incomparable! we have witnessed so many new friendships cultivated from the general camaraderie our nurturing "3rd place" provides the hood... every day is truly a blessing. what are you doing to serve your community today?

everything new is old again...

2007-07-10T13:23:00.000-07:00

following a knee-jerk four month stint of moving all my earthly possessions, old kitty cat and mr. chris d across country from minneapolis minnesota to ojai california (above) to participate in an inchoate whirlwind junket of retreats and road trips to phoenix, denver, chicago, atlanta and seattle with new pals & old pulls @ the david allen company, i find myself returning to minneapolis to save our atelier next week! and then -- geez. i dunno what's next. but rest assured, it will be easy. er.

what a difference a year makes...

2007-03-21T20:04:00.000-07:00

it was a bit foggy in my back yard today. scroll down to march last year... and the year before that... eeekkk! oh ja, i moved to ojai. california. lovely, isn't it?

xox

shar

holiday cheers...

2007-01-07T18:47:00.000-08:00

from me of course, as i spent a trad christmas eve celebration with the lovely christopher haugen and his family in minneapolis, mn. yup! lookee here...

12/24/06

Light a Candle for Cody Marthaler...

2006-07-17T16:15:00.001-07:00

dogs are miracles with paws...

a dog's nose in the palm of your hand can cure almost anything.dogs are made of love and fur. let your dog take you for a walk. dogs are a sure thing. some little known dog secrets: dogs have no secrets. dogs are like vanilla ice cream: reliably delicious. dogs are wise agents directly from heaven. if you had a tail, wouldn't you wag it? there are no bad dogs. be your dog's best friend. dogs like dancing, drive-in movies and dreaming. god made dogs and spelled his own name backwards! dogs make great therapists. kiss your dog all the time.some dogs are nap dogs. dogs invented unconditional love. dogs are party animals. apply dog logic to life: eat well, be loved, get petted, sleep a lot, dream of a leash-free world. live your dog's life! http://www.campsark.com/

Media finally grow some...

2006-05-06T21:29:00.003-07:00

By now most of you have probably heard snippets from the White House Correspondents' dinner last Saturday night... it was a doozy. In fact, I could hardly believe it!

Now thanks to Google Video -- you can actually watch Stephen Colbert as he roasts President Bush (taped live on C-SPAN 24 min 10 sec - Apr 29, 2006).

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-869183917758574879

my back yard this week, in living color...

2006-03-16T21:50:00.000-08:00

yes, there is a god!

2006-02-27T23:31:00.003-08:00

Just when I thought I couldn't make it through the -20 degree temps, windchill and -20 dewpoint (that would be a dry cold...) during mid February, I was blessed with visits from my two fav virtual ladies... Cheryl Freeman from Los Angeles (pictured @ the Getty Villa in Malibu where she's helping in the renovation) and Marie Nehls from Nashville at our atelier w/infamous road dawg Don Forte.

Thank you and big big hugs! (click on photos to enlarge)

god bless...

2006-01-09T21:51:00.000-08:00

"cookies with a cause"

2006-01-02T21:13:00.001-08:00

featuring treats from the kids @ Cookie Cart Learning Center http://www.cookiecart.org/

music by our neighbors @ Episcopal Church of Gethsemane http://www.gethepisc.org/

happy new year from elliot park!
www.epatelier.com

Perjury. Obstruction.

2005-10-21T14:15:00.000-07:00

Oh Bill...

lifeguard station 28

2005-08-08T23:19:00.000-07:00

yup. just an ordinary day on an ordinary beach in an extraordinary neighborhood in santa monica. returning home for ten glorious days was truly a blessing... thank you all for a wonderful time!

xo shar

(ps happy birthday bkk)

To those of you who believe we're in the dark...

2005-07-16T12:01:00.000-07:00

Here's one of the replies in response to my previous post:

How many members of the Bush administration does it take to change a light bulb?

1. One to deny that a light bulb needs to be changed;

2. One to attack the patriotism of anyone who says the light bulb needs to be changed;

3. One to blame Clinton for burning out the light bulb;

4. One to arrange the invasion of a country rumored to have a secret stockpile of light bulbs;

5. One to give a billion dollar no-bid contract to Halliburton for the new light bulb;

6. One to arrange a photograph of Bush, dressed as a janitor, standing on a step ladder under the banner: Light Bulb Change Accomplished;

7. One administration insider to resign and write a book documenting in detail how Bush was literally in the dark;

8. One to viciously smear #7;

9. One surrogate to campaign on TV and at rallies on how George Bush has had a strong light-bulb-changing policy all along;

10. And finally one to confuse Americans about the difference between screwing a light bulb and screwing the country.

;) shar

Fall on your knees... now!

2005-07-11T11:08:00.002-07:00

Drips of astonishment trickled around the world when it was announced today that White House Deputy Chief of Staff Karl Rove was in fact the big leak that sprung a federal grand jury investigation seeking to find the origin of the disclosure some two years ago, meanwhile sending NY Times reporter Judith Miller to jail for not revealing her sources.

Media claim the case has become an important test involving freedom of the press pitting its traditional use of anonymous sources against the efforts of a federal government prosecutor to investigate a possible crime pointing out – it’s illegal to knowingly reveal the identity of an undercover CIA agent.

To be considered a violation of the law, a disclosure by a government official must have been deliberate, the person doing it must have known that the CIA officer was a covert agent and he or she must have known that the government was actively concealing the covert agent's identity. Rove's lawyer said Special Prosecutor Patrick J. Fitzgerald has told him that Rove is not a target of the probe blahblahblah…

Is this a freaking joke?

Rove didn’t know what he was doing? We’re talking about the architect behind Bush’s election victories, cunning minister of daily White House haps and blatant Christian fundamentalist orchestrating the world’s readiness for the impending “Rapture.” You know -- when all the born-again believers in Jesus Christ will be mysteriously whisked up to heaven leaving the rest of us dunderheads dumbfounded when the chosen multitudes just disappear with only the non-believers “left behind?”

Oh, I’m gonna zealously pray for the Rapture all right! Please God… take ‘em all away ASAP and leave the rest of us here to contemplate whatever’s left of our peace of mind! In fact, I’m on my knees right now…

born to be wiiiiild???

2005-06-20T17:37:00.000-07:00

so. you may be askin' how our lovely marie's been doin' down in nashville tennesseeeee...

with all that country living and such maybe she's finally settled down... takin' it easy... given up the blonde life we know and love so well.

then again, maybe not. maybe she's enjoying a cruise on her suzuki savage 650 motorcycle. check it out! and be sure to scroll down through all three photos. yeehaw!

ready...

2005-06-20T17:36:00.000-07:00

set...

2005-06-20T17:27:00.000-07:00

go!

Need a Dictionary?

2005-06-18T09:38:00.002-07:00

As someone who made a near perfect score on my English SATs way back when, I tend to take words literally. I don’t particularly like being a dorky intellectual… i.e. it took years of practice to join fellow plebes shrieking common expletives at my television set. Though picturing fudge during upset usually changed my whole perspective of whatever the targeted subject may have been, I eventually got the hang of it and can exploit language proficiently nowadays.

That said, I still "hear" what’s being communicated and take exception to rampant intentional wordplay/newspeak (1984) during news broadcasts. Listen carefully folks. And when in doubt, use a dictionary! Here’s one available to all: www.dictionary.com

(examples)
dem·o·crat (dem o-kr at ) n.
An advocate of democracy.
lib·er·al (lib er- al) adj.
Not limited to or by established, traditional, orthodox, or authoritarian attitudes, views, or dogmas; free from bigotry.
re·pub·li·can (re -p ub li -k en) adj.
Of, relating to, or characteristic of a republic.
con·ser·va·tive (k on-sûr vi -ti v) adj.
Favoring traditional views and values; tending to oppose CHANGE.

balance in all things...

2005-06-15T16:51:00.000-07:00

This whimsical print hangs front and center in my nest, along with two old-fashioned film reels and a black and white photo (taken by my daughter) illuminating the intricate detail of our beloved Self Realization Fellowship temple in the Pacific Palisades.

I display ‘em there to jog my memory about what’s really important when I feel a rant coming on about oh I dunno…

the Pension Benefit Guaranty Corporation (the federal agency that insures private pension plans) having a $23.3 billion deficit because of defaults… the closed-door vote by the Senate Intelligence Committee last week to expand law enforcement powers under the USA Patriot (acronym for providing appropriate tools required to intercept and obstruct terrorism) Act… military spending topping $1 trillion in 2004 now being referred to as “a global phenomenon”… an appeals court ruling Veep Dick Cheney needn't disclose advice his energy task force received from the industry (enronenronenron) in 2001 producing pro-industry recommendations for sweeping energy legislation, because (as the Bush administration argued) public disclosure would make it difficult for any White House to solicit candid advice on important policy issues… the Michael Jackson verdict... durrr?

And just when it seems there’s no hope for a return to what’s right with the universe, I hear Phil Jackson is returning to coach the Lakers and thank gawd for true balance in all things worth reporting. Go Lakers!

Namasté
shar

oh brother! and if you believe that...

2005-06-04T06:26:00.005-07:00

Having worked in the newsmaking business for years (which by the way you won't see anywhere on my resume but I'm sure those who know can find my words by whatever name I was using or writing for), I wasn't surprised when I read this morning's New York Times account of the "Koran Incidents at Base in Cuba" released last night.

Per the Times, "The splashing of urine was among the cases described as inadvertent. It was said to have occurred when a guard urinated near an air vent and the wind blew his urine through the vent into a detainee's cell... The military released the findings of the investigation about 7:15 p.m., Eastern time, well after the broadcasts of the network television evening news programs. A Pentagon spokesman, Bryan Whitman, denied that the military was trying to bury bad news late on a Friday night, a tactic often used by government agencies."

ja... Newsweek's report was sorta true, but I swear it was an accident!

All I can add to this is -- click on the link below and watch the Smigel clip from Saturday Night Live. His "divertor" cartoon gave me hope that I'm not the only one out there who realizes diversion from truth when I hear it!

http://politicalhumor.about.com/gi/dynamic/offsite.htm?zi=1/XJ&sdn=politicalhumor&cdn=entertainment&tm=57&gps=26_9_1020_615&f=00&tt=9&bt=1&bts=0&zu=http%3A//www.crooksandliars.com/2005/05/23/2364/ (click on Video-WMP)

everything old is new again...

2005-06-01T23:45:00.000-07:00

really. other than the fab news revealing deep throat (which i just know is causing a major hissy for those who've been controlling our news since the outbreak of terrorism wink wink), what could be more enjoyable then watching the eagles in a 2 hour network television concert? and i'm not kiddin' around.

yup. i sat here alone in my little apartment glued to the set singing along with 'em at the top of my lungs while reminiscing about my colorful previous incarnation as a blonde hollywood rocker. here... i even snapped a digi photo of timothy b. schmidt. one mighty fine dude!

2005-05-01T21:08:00.000-07:00

i haven't been shirking my duties. it's just that it's still raining/sleeting/snowing here. yup, nothin' much has changed from this photo of me and tom... hope all is bright and sunny wherever you are! xo

rain sleet or snoooowww...

2005-03-08T21:44:00.000-08:00

me & pal tom reid -- exec director elliot park neighborhood inc.

light a candle... say a prayer...

2004-12-29T21:58:00.000-08:00

God Bless...

lovely Asia

Wardrobing in Minneapolis is an Extreme Sport!

2004-12-26T19:23:00.000-08:00

So. Walking six blocks to work sounds like a walk in the park, doesn't it? And in my case it really is. Elliot Park... here in downtown Minneapolis.

But I swear to gawd, trundling along the streets wearing my tailored Forecaster of Boston herringbone tweed winter overcoat, genuine black suede sheepskin-lined Uggs, fluffy ultralong magic tube scarf, wooly mittens and crocheted boucle' hat -- ie everything except my cozy white cotton flannel sheets (those really sweet ones covered in pin-sized red polka dots trimmed in tiny little red ribbons and lace?) -- over all my obligatory layers of jeans, sweaters, etc. I thought my skin would freeze off my face before I arrived at the shop... and that's no exaggeration because it was something like 20 degrees below zero windchill and the weather dude warned frostbite could affect exposed flesh within seconds. Ja. No lie... here's the breaking news from last Thursday.

Star Tribune /December 23, 2004 at 1:32 PM

Final Holidazzle of Season Frozen Out
Tim Harlow, Star Tribune

The extreme cold has forced the cancellation of tonight's Holidazzle parade in downtown Minneapolis. That announcement was made by the Minneapolis Downtown Council. The National Weather Service forecast calls for windchills of -25 to -35 degrees by 6:30 p.m., which is the scheduled start time for the parade. This exceeds the established cold weather cancellation point of -25 degrees with windchill. Tonight's parade would have been the last one of the season.

And the kicker? This Thursday's forecast reads 47 degrees above zero and rain!

feeling confused?

2004-11-04T21:54:00.000-08:00

displaced? well folks... we voted and here are the results. ta da!

"united theocratic states of america"
11/03/04

atelier!

2004-10-26T07:17:00.000-07:00

check us out -- click on the link below!

www.epatelier.com

orwellian rhapsody...

2004-09-28T23:22:00.000-07:00

ok. i have to say something about this here political deal... i want to mention nationalizing 40,000 airport security personnel and debate that national ID card our attorney general is pushing in his patriotic patriot act, but i can't dialogue intelligently on the subject and gawd knows what kinda trouble i could get into for speaking my mind... so. here's a couple paragraphs written by george orwell back in 1945 that shed a bit of light on the topic. and hey -- if you have an extra few minutes, please click on the link following and read the whole essay.

peace,
shar

"...there is a habit of mind which is now so widespread that it affects our thinking on nearly every subject, but which has not yet been given a name. As the nearest existing equivalent I have chosen the word 'nationalism', but it will be seen in a moment that I am not using it in quite the ordinary sense, if only because the emotion I am speaking about does not always attach itself to what is called a nation--that is, a single race or a geographical area. It can attach itself to a church or a class, or it may work in a merely negative sense, AGAINST something or other and without the need for any positive object of loyalty.

By 'nationalism' I mean first of all the habit of assuming that human beings can be classified like insects and that whole blocks of millions or tens of millions of people can be confidently labelled 'good' or 'bad'. But secondly--and this is much more important--I mean the habit of identifying oneself with a single nation or other unit, placing it beyond good and evil and recognising no other duty than that of advancing its interests. Nationalism is not to be confused with patriotism. Both words are normally used in so vague a way that any definition is liable to be challenged, but one must draw a distinction between them, since two different and even opposing ideas are involved. By 'patriotism' I mean devotion to a particular place and a particular way of life, which one believes to be the best in the world but has no wish to force on other people. Patriotism is of its nature defensive, both militarily and culturally. Nationalism, on the other hand, is inseparable from the desire for power. The abiding purpose of every nationalist is to secure more power and more prestige, NOT for himself but for the nation or other unit in which he has chosen to sink his own individuality."

(complete essay http://www.george-orwell.org/Notes_on_Nationalism/0.html)

News Archives...

2004-09-26T21:46:00.000-07:00

to check out the news/view photos from the past couple years click here: http://virtuallady.net/newsarchives.html